


Yeah, we're faking

by yourhomewrecker



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Female Character, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25565383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourhomewrecker/pseuds/yourhomewrecker
Summary: "That guy had no idea on how pick social cues. Amy was running out of options and places to run from that weirdo. Was it really that hard for a guy to understand that she was simply not interested? It’s not like she was the prettiest girl in the world, for God’s sake. She scanned the room, trying to find a way out, and well… it was a stretch, but it could work."orJake pretends to be Amy's boyfriend to save her from some guy, but what if he likes it?
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 85
Kudos: 144





	1. Is that my Knight in shining armor?

**Author's Note:**

> So this came to me when I was reading some good old fake dating book. Which was true love at the lonely hearts bookshop and I highly recommend it, and I thought: "what would be my take on it?"  
> So this is it.
> 
> (This will be a multi chapter, so bear with me guys, I promise it won't be that long)

_Yeah, we’re faking_

_Chapter 1_

_Fuck!_ That guy had no idea on how pick social cues. Amy was running out of options and places to run from that weirdo. Was it really that hard for a guy to understand that she was simply not interested? It’s not like she was the prettiest girl in the world, for God’s sake. She scanned the room, trying to find a way out, and well… it was a stretch, but it could work. 

He was alone, which was already a good sign. Waiting in the line to get his lunch, Amy knew that she had seen him somewhere across campus; maybe they shared a class or something. “Is this a mistake?” she questioned herself while walking towards him.

He looked like a nice guy, surely he would help her. Definitely seemed like a kind soul, a nice guy who would do her a favor in the name of feminism and womanhood.  
Well, that argument wouldn’t work if he were a sexist jerk. 

But if he _was_ a sexist jerk, there’s no way she would want anything from him. There were enough jerks for that day alone. 

She quickened her pace, hands grabbing tight at the edges of her backpack. She didn’t want to look behind her, but if she had to guess, she would say that he also sped up a little. 

She was almost getting there, until she did.   
Since time was in the essence, a quick deep breath would have to suffice, and give her all the courage she needed to do what probably was the stupidest of ideas ever. _Talk about despair._

“Hey,” she approached him, biting her lips and trying to control her breathing. “I know this is weird, but can you please for the love of God, just go with it and help me?” there was no answer, just a weird stare. “I’ll pay your lunch.”

“Ok.”

Before she could explain anything, or maybe say anything at all, they heard a yell. 

“Hey, what the fuck?” the asshole who had been following her for the past fifteen minutes yelled. He was panting softly, drops of sweat forming on the top of his forehead. 

“Well, I told you I had a boyfriend,” Amy said. It was better to avoid the stranger’s eyes and just hope that his face wasn’t giving away that it was all a complete lie. 

“I thought you were lying,” the guy said scratching his scalp, looking a little embarrassed. _That’s what you get for being a dick!_

“And why would I do that?” _to get rid of you._

_Because it’s exactly something I would do, since I’m doing this very same moment._

But he didn’t need to know that. 

“I don’t know…” the jerk stuttered. 

“Well, she wasn’t.” Her fake boyfriend said in a low husky voice while he put his hand on her waist and pulled her against his body. Amy had to close her eyes and focus up a little bit. _Fuck, that was hot._

But it wasn’t the time to get carried away. 

“And if I hear, that you’re hitting on my girlfriend again, we’re gonna have some problems,” he finished looking the jerk dead in the eyes and they both watched as he mumbled an apology and walked away. 

_That worked out just fine._

Amy had to close her eyes for a second and took a couple of full deep breaths before she could look into her savior’s eyes. She sighed, then opened her eyes. 

“Thank you,” she began. Everything was so quick and hasty that she barely had the time to pay attention to his features. His skin was golden, his hair was brown and curly on the top, he was wearing a plaid shirt and a hoodie, which gave him an effortlessly hot vibe. The uncertainty on what to say next was definitely present, and Amy couldn’t help but twist her lips while she thought of something else to add. “Thank you so much for helping me, really. It was really nice of you, I really appreciate it.” 

“You looked like you needed help.” 

“And I did,” she said. “This was really a last try on a lost cause. Thank you, again.”

There was this tiny moment of silence where he simply stared at her eyes, and Amy had to contain the urge she had of looking away. She couldn’t handle eye contact, it was extremely uncomfortable for her. Especially with incredibly hot guys like that one.

“I _will_ pay your lunch though,” she said breaking the eye contact. “I promised.”

“You really don’t have to,” he said touching her arm, his hand was warm beneath her. Funny, she hadn’t noticed that when he touched her waist. Maybe it was the clothing. 

“No, I have to” she said. “Consider my thank you present.”

He laughed. “Okay.”

The line they were at finally moved and she let him choose whatever he wanted. When she was just about to finish ordering, he interrupted her. 

“Wait, you’re not eating?” she could be imagining, _but,_ maybe there was a little bit of disappointment in his voice? 

“Oh, no. I’m not wasting any more of your time.” Amy said looking around. _Damn her and her stupid inability to make eye contact_. “And I’m also hella poor, so I’m just gonna go home.”

“No,” he said. “Eat with me” she was forced to squint. Why was that guy actively trying to be in her company? That made absolute no sense. “My treat.”

“What? You can’t buy me lunch, I’m buying _you_ lunch.”

“Consider it an exchange of gifts,” she frowned. “Don’t you think your fake boyfriend deserves at least a lunch?” a tiny laugh escaped her lips. 

“Yes, my fake boyfriend definitely deserves a lunch.”

“So let’s do it then.”

“Look, I will accept it, if you tell me you’re sure.” Amy narrowed her eyes and looked at him for a few seconds.

“I’m sure.”

“Okay, then.” 

They both ordered and found a seat nearby. The chattering around them was soft an pleasant and Amy almost could suffocate the weird feeling in her stomach she was having ever since she stopped in front of that beautiful nice guy.

“So, does that happen often?” he was actually the one to break the comfortable silence between them.

“The creeps?” he nodded. “Yeah, sadly. Not the fake boyfriends though,” he laughed. “ I usually don’t go that far, but that one in particular was a complete pain in the ass.”

“That sucks.”

“I know,” she said before grabbing another bite. “I even told him I was gay at some point, didn’t work.”

“Are you?”

“Gay?” she asked, he nodded. “Well, kinda.”

“How is someone kind of gay?” he asked leaning over the table and Amy couldn’t help but feel like he was invading her personal space.

_It was kinda nice though._

“I mean, I’m bisexual. So you could say there’s totally a part of me who’s completely gay,” she explained. “I just omitted the fact that there’s a part that isn’t.”

“And that did not work?” he had this amused smile in this face. It was cute, he had a nice face.

“Surprisingly it didn’t. He actually asked if he could join,” the guy in front of her groaned in disgust. “So that was… something else.”

“I’m sorry you guys have to face stuff like this.”

“It’s not your fault. I mean, you are out there helping defenseless little girls to reject them. So, I’d say you’re fine.”

“You don’t strike me as defenseless.” He said leaning towards her a little bit more, their eyes locked on each other. 

“I don’t know what to respond to this,” a little smile was forming in the corner of her lips, and Amy was extremely proud of how long she was being able to hold eye contact with him. 

“What about thank you?”

“Sounds too simplistic,” it was his turn to laugh. 

Amy had to blink several times, she was having lunch with a stranger, who had just pretended to be her boyfriend to scare some creep away. She barely knew him. _Better_ , she didn’t know him at all. She knew they went to the same college, probably had some classes together, but that was it. She didn’t even know his name. 

To be fair, he seemed like a nice guy. A jerk wouldn’t have helped her so easily. Or probably would of they could have something nasty in return. But that doesn’t seemed like the case. All he asked was to have lunch with her, which if you asked her it was pretty weird, but not creepy. 

Not creepy at all.

It was not like her to just talk with people she didn’t know. In fact, she was absolutely terrified of talking with strangers. She just rather stick the good three friends she already had and just keep it like that.   
So to be there, smashing the now undeniable feeling of electrical shocks in her stomach, was absolutely impressive.

_Kudos for her._

Now she didn’t have to talk with any other stranger for another fifteen years.

 _Kudos for her_.

“So,” he started. “I actually have to go now, I’m late for class.” And as he said that she realized they had gone through a whole meal together, and she didn’t even notice? “It was really nice meeting you, and talking to you.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking. Thanks again for helping me with that creep, really.”

“It was nothing,” he said with a cute smile.  
“I had a good time,” _really?_ “Maybe we could hang out some day, I don’t know…”

“Yeah, that would be fun.”

“I really have to go now,” he said standing up. 

“I’m Amy, by the way.” She stood up as well and offered him her hand.

“Jake.”


	2. Nah, it's just a boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Amy's turn to return the favour and maybe... they can get to an agreement?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's a little short but I promise you guys that we're going to have some action happening in the next chapter!!

_Chapter 2_

  
“I know this is weird, but for the love of God, just go with it.” Jake said as he sat down by her side on her table. She was eating some fruit salad and reading her novel when her attention was stolen. 

“Are you fucking with me?” there was a slight smile on his face, but in general he looked really nervous. 

“No.”

Amy squinted, why was he talking to her? 

“Whaat? She’s real?” someone yelled. She looked up and there was a couple coming towards them. 

“Of course she’s real, I’m not a liar.” Jake said, his eyes were meeting hers and there was a subtle plead in his eyes, begging her to help him. _Of course she would help him._

“I don’t know,” the guy said, he was pressed against one of the chairs of her table and the girl next to him had one of her arms enlaced on one of his. They looked like a nice couple. “It’s just that the idea of you seeing a girl more than once sounded hard to believe.”

“Ha-ha-ha, very funny. What are you a comedian?” he said with his voice infested with sarcasm. _She never thought sarcasm could be so hot._

But focus up, Amy. 

“So like I said,” Jake continued. “I won’t be able to make it today, because Ames and I...” _Ames?!_ “had already agreed to hang out today.”

“Yeah,” it was the first she has opened her mouth since the couple approached them. “I hope you guys don’t mind me stealing him for a while.” A tiny smile was born in Jake’s lips and Amy had to grab the arms of her chair to not jump at the small electric shock she felt on her stomach.

“Oh honey, don’t worry” the girl said. “We only carry him for pity, you can take it if you want it.” 

“Wow, a couple of comedians right here,” he said shifting on his seat. His body was laid back and his elbows were resting at the arms of his chair, giving him plenty of room to stare his friends. “I think that’s enough for today, right? You guys can leave.”

“Okay lovebirds,” the girl said in a mischievous tone. “Have fun!” and then she winked at Amy before turnings around.

_What the fuck?_

Her cheeks were burning, _why the fuck were they burning?_

She didn’t need that kind of image in her head. 

Especially with an unattainable guy like Jake. 

She waited them to leave entirely from their range and also gave him a few seconds to put his thoughts in order. She knew how stressful it was to be in a situation like that. _Oh, she knew it well._

“So what was that all about?” she asked laughing softly because that could only be a very lovely prank from the universe.

“You see,” he started talking, leaning towards her and putting his hands on the table, as if he was trying to be emphatic. “I am very single,” she nodded. “And I’m completely happy about it,” he gave a ten second pause. “ _Although_ , all my friends are dating. And every time we hang out I’m like… the ninth wheel and that’s pretty annoying.”   
She knew the feeling pretty well. At that specific moment all her friends were single because they all had just gotten out of serious long term relationships, while Amy continued firmly single throughout the whole process. 

“Oh, so you’re a player?” she asked, this time being the one who leans in. 

“I am not!” he shouted slightly offended. “I just like the freedom being single gives you, y'know?”

“Yeah, right.”

“And today, they were all planning to go on this concert and I wasn’t really in the mood to be around couples hugging each other dancing to slow ballads,” he said completely ignoring her previous comments. “So I had this brilliant idea,” his smile grew bigger and there was a twist on her stomach. “I decided to come up with a fake date, and when they totally didn’t believe me I had the feeling you would back me up.” His smile was now annoyingly big and Amy was not really liking how he was handling all that. Wasn’t she supposed to hold the power this time? Why it wasn’t feeling like that at all? “I don’t really know why, I just… had a feeling.”

“Ha-ha, you’re pretty funny aren’t you?” 

“I’ve been told it’s my charm,” he said with a cast smile and winked at her. 

_It was embarrassing how that worked so easily_. 

“So I was here thinking,” Jake began dragging his chair close to her. Why was he doing that? “I don’t like being a third wheel, you obviously don’t want any creeps around you…” she was forced to squint. What was he trying to say with all that? “And I thought maybe, we could… I don’t know, keep with the pretending.” Amy had to narrow her eyes to him, what? “Don’t look like a confused puppy that much, this was your idea.”

For a few seconds she had to first: breathe; second: question what the fuck was going on with her life at that very second; and third: breathe a little more. 

That was some rom-com shit going on right there. 

“But why fake though?” it was _his_ turn to look like a confused puppy.

“I don’t think I get it.”

“We don’t need to fake. We can just date for a while and then break up,” she explained. 

“I still don’t think I get it.”

“We don’t have to make out or anything, this way when people ask us if we’re dating, we won’t be lying. We just didn’t told them all the terms of our relationship.” If that was a cartoon a lightbulb would be placed on the top of Jake’s head that moment. “Consider it as a preschool relationship, or something like it.”

“ _Huh_ …” was all he said at first. “You’re pretty smart, aren’t you?”

“ _I’ve been told it’s my charm_.” This time, it was her turn to wink at him, who couldn’t help but smile.

“I like it,” he said. “So just to see if I understood this correctly: we would be technically dating, but we wouldn’t have to make out, or have sex or any other things couples do together?”

“Yes, expect in front of other people, then we would have to put on a little act.” 

“And could I cheat on you?” 

“I mean…” she started, the thought of him cheating on her creeping in her stomach for no apparent reason. They weren’t even friends for God’s sake. “You _could_ , but you'd have to be discreet. Because you still have a girlfriend for all means, and that would not look good on neither of us.”

“That was just a hypothetical question, I would never cheat on you.” _Thank God!_

Wait, why was she relieved? They were _strangers_ , oh God. 

“I like it, I’m down, if you are.”

“I mean, it was my idea. So it think it’s pretty obvious that I would be willing to do it,” she mumbled. 

“Fair enough.”

Was she really going to do this? Pretend to date a guy she had just seen once and knew exactly nothing about it? All she knew was that he was pretty hot, and although that itself was already pretty great, it was nuts, right?

But again, when would something slightly similar like that happen with her again?

The answer was: _never_. 

So, yes. She was about to do that insanity.   
If it ends disastrously bad, at least she would have a story to tell her grandchildren. 

“Amy,” he called her out of her thoughts grabbing her hands and staring at her caramel eyes. “Would you give me the honor to be my preschool girlfriend?”

“I’d love to.”


	3. Who's kinda nice though

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fun one, so I hope you guys enjoy it, and also I wanna thank all the nice comments, you guys have no idea how nice it is to read them. Thanks a lot! :)

_Chapter 3_

“Good morning, girlfriend!” someone shouted behind her before Amy could feel the weight of arms around her neck. 

_Right, she had a 'boyfriend' now._ It was important to remember. 

“Morning,” she said turning around to face him. He was still beautiful, had a couple of books on his hands and a wide smile. 

“Not a morning person?” he asked. She was almost mad at that comment. _She was totally a morning person._

But there was no way he could’ve known that. 

“No, I am” she said. “You just… startled me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” _Damn it, he looked actually sad._

Pretty guys shouldn’t be allowed to show emotions, it wasn’t fair. 

“So…” he started. “After my friends found out that I am dating,” he said the word with a different tone. “They’re now dying to meet her.” Uh, meeting the friends. That was more important than meeting the parents in young adult language. Okay Amy, you’re good, don’t freak out. 

_Better_ , freak out afterwards. 

Yeah, that sounded like a good plan. 

“…and they actually invited us to have dinner tonight at our diner.” There was something about his eyes, the way he was looking at her, she was really not able to identify what it was, but there was something different about it. “Does that sound okay to you?” _no_. 

“Yeah, sure.”

“So I’ll pick you up and then we’ll go. Where do you live?”

“Actually, I’ll be here 'til very late. We’re working on this project, so you can just pick me up here. Is that okay?”

_Why was so worried on not making his life any harder?_

Right, she hated to bother. 

“I could just meet you there if that’s a problem…” she kept saying when he didn’t respond.

“No, it’s okay. I'll pick you up. Text me when you’re done and we’ll go, okay?” wow he was really a nice guy. 

“Yeah, okay.” 

She said, and he left. Just like that. And before Amy had even time to process everything that was going in her life she was stopped by her friend Rosa, who didn’t have the best of faces. 

“How come I find out that you’re dating someone through gossips?” she emphasized the word dating because for her it was actually a huge thing. Amy had never been on a relationship. At all. 

“It was everything so fast I think I don’t comprehend it myself.” That was not entirely a lie.

“So who’s the guy?”

“Jake Peralta, do you know him?”

“Yeah I know him, who doesn’t?” so that’s probably why she felt like she knew him from somewhere, _he was popular._ “He’s really hot, how did you nail that?”

“To be honest I still don’t really know,” and it was true. Why was guy so handsome like him be with her? It didn’t make any sense, people probably wouldn’t even believe it. 

Thank God they were late for class, otherwise she would have been bombarded with questions. Even though, it was coming eventually.

She went through the motions of her day, trying to not really think about what was coming later that night, trying to suffocate the weird feeling in her stomach. Everything was going to work out just fine.

It was such a hasty day she couldn’t even change for the dinner. She hoped his friends didn’t think she was an ugly pile of shit, her house was to far away for her to simply change clothes. 

She texted Jake and waited for him to show up. 

Which he did, _late_. But did.

“Hey,” he called. His outfit was different from that morning, he has his hands on his pockets and a gentle smile on his face. “The diner is actually nearby and I thought we could just… walk there.”

“Okay.”

“So, how’s that project going?”

“Pretty well, actually.”

“Can you give me any details?”

“Not really, it’s actually pretty top secret. I’m not allowed to share any information.” He made the saddest puppy face Amy had ever seen her entire life. She wondered how many girls he had tricked in his life with that look.

_Better not to think about that._

“Hey,” he said when they stopped in front of the diner. “Maybe we should talk first, come up with a backstory.” 

“No, I think we’re good.” And they were. She knew exactly how she was going to deal with that situation. “There’s one thing, actually.”

“What?”

“I think this situation is weird enough for the both of us already, so let’s just agree to not tell anyone about the terms of this relationship.”

“Sounds reasonable to me, not telling anyone we’re dating preschool stylez.” _Preschool stylez what a dork._

And as she was about to open the door, he interrupted her. “Are you sure we’re good?”

“Yes, I’m a pretty good actress.

“Why do I feel like this is a lie?”

“Uh… _rude_. Let’s just go.” And as she was going to open the door again, he interrupted her. Again. 

“One more thing,” he said with one of his hands on her arm. “For the sake of this whole thing, you’re not allowed to fall in love with me.” 

Amy put on her most sarcastic smile and responded:

“I’ll try my best.”

She finally opened the door and was invaded by heat of dozens of people chatting and eating. 

“Real quick, in a scale of 0 to 10 how comfortable are you with touching?” he asked.

“I’m okay” was she? Really? “what about you?”

“I’m fine too.” On that cue he put one of his arms around her neck and pushed her closer. _He was so warm…_

_Focus!_

“Mom, Dad, we’re here!” Jake chanted to a booth full of people. “Guys, this is Amy. Amy, this is my friend Charles and his girlfriend Genevieve,” he pointed to the couple right in the corner n “My buddy Raymond, but we call him Ray and his boyfriend Kevin,” he pointed to the couple in the middle. “And last but not least my friend Gina and her boyfriend Ben.”   
Amy said a collective hi and sat with them. It was so tight, she was sitting right next to Jake, knees touching, his arm was still around her neck and she was almost invited to rely on his body. Focus up girl, don’t pay attention to the proximity of the two, or how you can smell his cologne, or how you can definitely feel his palms on your shoulder.

_Focus. Up._

Right, she could do this. 

“So Amy,” Charles called her. “How did you guys meet?”

“Uh…” Jake stuttered and that was her time to shine. 

“It’s actually a funny story,” she said and he stared at her. “There was this guy after me and no matter what I did or said I couldn’t get rid of him. So one day, he was actually chasing me down across the halls, you know, like a creep.” They all shared a laugh. “I was literally sprinting across campus, and I don’t know, I think maybe Jake felt sorry for me and helped me get rid of him.” 

Charles sighed and let out a loud ‘awww.’ 

“I was really grateful so I decided to pay his lunch, and I don’t know… we started hanging out together, and I think we liked each other’s company, when I realized we were already dating.”

They were all praising and commenting how that was actually a cute story while Jake stared at her an amazed look. 

She leaned towards his ear and whispered: “ _First tip, the best lie is the one closest to the truth._ ” And then she kissed him on the cheek because… _that’s what girlfriends did???_

“And Amy, what is you major?” Ray asked her, he was kind of quiet, a bit terrifying. 

“Filmmaking.”

“Why?” it was Gina who asked. 

“Well, I’ve accepted that my life’s purpose is to entertain,” she told them. “I’ve always liked to write, and to tell stories, and if I could make someone’s day better with that, or maybe take their mind of something, I’d be psyched. And I think movies are a good outlet for that.” _No one had ever asked her that…_

_Weird._

“And how did this clown asked you to be his girlfriend?” Gina asked her, she was the girl in the other day. 

“I think we’re good with the interrogation, don’t you guys think?” Jake intervened before she could answer. 

“Oh, honey she knew what she was getting into.”

“It’s okay” Amy said. “It was really low key,” she said with a laugh. “We were just hanging out one day, and he grabbed my hands and said: ' _Amy, would you give me the honor of being my girlfriend?’_ and I was like: ' _Yeah, sure_.’” They all laughed. 

“Lame!” Gina shouted. 

“I liked it,” Amy defended, “sounded genuine.”

“Well, it was.” Jake’s told them with a smile and kissed her on the cheek. 

_Don’t focus on how they were burning after that kiss._

_Don’t focus._

“You see,” Ray started saying. “The thing that I don’t get it, is how a pretty girl like you, ended up with this clown.”

“I mean…” she dragged her voice for a while. “He’s okay looking,” a laugh. “He makes me laugh,” it was better not to focus on the way he was looking at her, it was probably good acting. “And the most important, is the fact that I’m way prettier than him,” a collective laugh again. “He really makes my looks pop out. When we’re together people really go around and say: 'why is that incredible woman with that guy? And I think that’s the foundation of any relationship.” They were all laughing, she was funny, it was funny.

_It was funny because he was way hotter than her._

The subject was changed and they all spent the rest of the night talking. His friends were nice, she didn’t really like to meet new people but they were all nice people. Plus, the fact that Jake was there with her the whole time made things a lot easier. Because she knew him, and just that. What else could it be?

They left the diner and Amy said goodbye to all of them, until she was alone with him again.

“So, how are you going home?” he asked after waving goodbye to his friends. The night air was chilly, she was getting goosebumps. 

“I’m gonna take the bus.”

“What? This late at night?” she nodded. “No, I can’t let you do that.”

“Don’t worry mom I do this path every day.”

“Where do you live?” she whispered the location in his ear and he gasped. “That far? No you’re not going” he said. “As your boyfriend I cannot allow you to do this.” He said putting his arms around her and closing her in a fake cage.

“Do I need to remind you that you’re only my preschool boyfriend?”

“Preschool or not I can’t let you make this path alone late at night. Especially, when I’m the reason you were out.” She was forced to squint at him, where was he trying to get? “I have a car, c'mon I’ll give you a ride.”

“You have a car?”

“Yes, I have a car. Don’t sound so surprised I’m a reasonable adult.” 

“You just said it’s too far away.”

“For a bus trip, I’m sure it will be just fine in a car.” She narrowed her eyes. “Come on, you were great tonight, consider as my thank you gift.”

“Fine,” she sighed. But only because she was not really eager to take the bus that night. 

They got into his car, it was red and old and completely, _completely_ filthy in the inside. But he was doing her a favor, so it was better not to complain. 

“I have to say,” he began, they were in his car, his fingers tapping into the steering wheel. “You were great tonight.”

“I told you I was a good actress.”

“I apologize,” he said and she just winked at him.

They remained in silence for a while, Amy giving him subtle instructions every now and then. 

“So, was any of it true? Or was it all great acting?” he asked halfway through it.

“What?”

“The thing about your major, and telling stories,” he explained. 

“It’s all true.”

“Wow, that was really beautiful. Really, it’s nice to see someone so passionate about something.”

“I don’t know what to respond.”

“What about thank you?”

_“Sounds too simplistic.”_

Amy wanted to look at him, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the road. 

_Damn it._

“That’s me,” she said. A part of her was a bit sad, why? She was finally home. “Thank you for the ride.”

“It was nothing,” he said unbuckling his seatbelt and looking at her. “You were great tonight, thanks again.”

“It was nothing.”

“I’ll see you around then,” he said. “Take care.” And he kissed her cheek. 

Amy got out of the car, waved goodbye, and was left there, cheeks on fire. 


	4. And such a gentleman...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to post again, I started watching the marvelous mrs maisel and could only stop it when I was done, and then I needed some time to recover from the show, you guys should check out by the way.   
> For some reason I was feeling a little off writing this chapter, like i fell like it's not that good.   
> But I hope you guys like it anyway!   
> :)

_Chapter 4_

“Oh, hey girlfriend,” Jake said as soon as she sat down next to him. He was having breakfast in the restaurant nearby their school, _looking adorable._

“Hey,” she sat down at looked to his plate. “Is that what you have for breakfast?” he was eating his second chocolate pudding, at 7am.

“Yeah, do you want some?” he offered her the spoon, who declined. 

“No, thank you. I have a small tolerance for sweets.”

“Really?” she nodded. “Why?” 

“I have some wounds in my stomach and every time I eat I get a stomach ache,” she explained. 

“Wow, you must have a shitty life.” 

“You get used to it,” Amy said and shrugged. “But that’s not why I’m here.”

“Oh yeah? What’s the important reason?” he kept eating his pudding, looking very entertained by his food. 

“Ever since my friends found out that I have a boyfriend they had no idea about, they’re forcing us to go to a party.” 

“Your friends force you to go to parties?” Jake asked amused.

“Yeah, yours don’t?”

“They don’t have to.” _Right, because he was extroverted, and full of friends, he probably loved parties._

“We need to go, there’s no other option.” He asked 'why' with a mouth completely full of food and kept eating. “Oh, you don’t wanna say no to my friend Rosa.” He choked on the pudding. 

“Rosa Diaz?” 

“Yes, do you know her?” it wouldn’t be a surprise, a lot of people knew Rosa in that campus, and literally everyone was terrified of her.

“Yeah…” he seemed a bit off, scared. 

“What you’re afraid of her?” Amy mocked.

“Oh yeah, big time.”

“Don’t worry we all are.” He gave her a wide smile and one more time in that week Amy had to suffocate that weird feeling of electrical shocks in her belly. 

“So I guess we’re going to the party,” he said. 

“We’re going to the party!” Amy shouted and raised her hands in fake excitement.

The party was on Friday, so Amy had to wait two more days to see Jake again. She didn’t want to waste his time in meaninglessness interactions. She was sure he had a lot to do. And even if he didn’t, it was not like he would rather spend his time with her. 

He and his car picked her up at her house Friday night, _late_ , but it was nice of him anyway. 

She had put a little bit of effort on her looks, _it wasn’t gonna kill to look good that night._ She didn’t wanna embarrass Jake. 

She wore a black tight dress that she kept in the back of her closet, her hair was down and in waves, a little bit of blush, eyeliner, and lipstick. Amy actually knew how to use make up, she was just lazy to do it every day.

_It felt good to not look like a pile of shit._

“Wow,” was the first thing Jake said when he saw her. “You look…”

“ _Incredibly hot?_ ” she joked.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

Wait, he _AGREED_? 

What the fuck?

“So, anything I need to know about your friends?” Jake asked with his eyes on the road, tapping his fingers on the wheel. “I’m not a perfect actor like you, but I think we’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure we will.” She licked her lips and pondered a little. “I don’t have that many friends, not close ones anyway.” She waited a little joke about how she was lonely and depressing, but it never came. “There’s Terry, he’s really big and strong but is actually the biggest baby; Kylie, she’s a little awkward and shy like me; and there’s Rosa, she’s really nice and pretty much an open book”

“Really?” Jake asked impressed.

“No.” 

They got to the party and we’re immediately welcomed by her friends. They all said hi to Jake, and treated him like he was part of the clan already. 

Kylie asked them how they net and Jake promptly told them the same story Amy said the other day, to his friends. 

“Wait,” Rosa said after he finished. “Was this creep that weird guy Teddy?”

“Yes!” Amy shouted as she finished her first drink. “God, he was unbearable.”

“Yeah, that guy was the worst. Good job helping her,” Rosa said high fiving Jake. 

_Wow, she really liked him._

_It was a shame it wasn’t real_. 

They kept talking and having fun, Jake enchanting her friends with his charm, god she wished she had that.

But it was too much noise, too much people, too much standing, too many hours surrounded by all that chaos, she needed a little bit of space.

_She was exhausted._

“Running away?” Jake asked when he finally found her. She was sitting on the pavement, across the street from the party.

“They didn’t have any chairs,” she explained and he sat by her side. His hair was messier than usual and there was little drops of sweat on the top of his forehead. 

“Is it my impression or you and your friends share everything?” Jake asked looking both amused and shocked at the same time. 

“We sure do.”

“I liked them,” Amy smiled and looked at him. He was just so beautiful…

“I have a feeling they liked you too.”

“Oh, thank God!” he sighed. “I was afraid Rosa would kill me.”

“She would never do that without my approval.” She tranquilized him putting a hand on his thigh and he laughed.

“Now tell me, why are you really here?” Jake said in a serious voice for once, looking straight into her eyes. 

_Fuck, that was…_

“This,” she gestured around her, to herself, her outfit. “This isn’t me, and it’s not like I don’t enjoy parties, I just think they’re too loud, and too exhausting.” He said nothing. “Yeah, I know I’m lame.” 

“Do you want to go home?” he simply asked.

“It’s too early, no?”

“We can stop somewhere if you want.” It was a good proposition, she was almost accepting it, even though she wasn’t sure why he was offering in the first place.

_Ah, fuck it._

“Okay, let’s go,” she said. “Do you think people will notice our absence?

“Well, if they do” he started. “They’ll probably assume we’re having sex somewhere, so we’re good”

Amy felt a knot in her stomach. The idea of Jake and her having sex.

_God…_

He grabbed her hand and took her to the car. They drove for a while, Jake not telling her where they were going. Until he stopped. 

“Wow.”

“It’s kinda nice, right?” Jake said looking around. “I like to come here at night,” he told her while they walked the empty playground. “Mostly because there’s no kids and we can just play as much as we want.”

“Very mature,” she said and laughed. 

Jake pushed her to the swings and they started a competition to see who could jump higher. He won all the times, _how unfair_. 

The air was cold and it was making hershiver, she cursed at herself for not bringing a single coat. 

“Are you cold?” he asked when they were sitting on the ground, after too much jumping for their age.

“No,” _yes_.

“Stop lying, _Amy_ ” there was something… about the way he said her name. Made her stomach jump like it was doing acrobatics. He took his hoodie and put it on her back, and pushed her against him. 

She could feel his whole body pressed against her. It was so warm, _how could someone be so warm when it was freezing?_

“Thanks for bringing me here,” she said looking to his eyes. They were brown with some specs of gold. “I really liked.”

“You’re welcome,” he said and grabbed her hand. Their palms enlaced in a way that felt so natural, like it was one. 

They remained in that position for god knows how long, until Jake broke the soft silence. 

“Oh, and by the way,” she started. “How are you friends with Rosa?”

She told him, and they kept a nice conversation. When Amy looked around, she almost couldn’t believe that the sun was rising already. 

_Did she spent the whole night talking with Jake Peralta, her preschool boyfriend?_

Wow. 

They left the playground when some mom and kid showed up and they both decided it was better to just go home. 

“Thanks for the night,” she said when he dropped her at her place. 

“Always my pleasure to be your company,” he said. “ _Always my pleasure.”_


	5. Too bad he doesn't like me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna let you guys read this one...

_Chapter 5_

  
“Dude, what the fuck?” someone yelled behind her, taking her attention off her novel. _Damn it, when they were about to kiss._

“Jake?” Amy asked confused. 

“You disappeared after the party,” he said.“ Didn’t answer any of my texts.”

“Oh,” she noted. “About that…”

He sat down by her side. 

“I should’ve told you before,” he was looking at her in a weird way, almost as if he was concerned. “I’m like, a huge introvert.” Amy explained looking at the pages of her book. “And it’s not like I can’t go be around a lot of people or anything, it’s just so exhausting. I need some time to recharge my battery afterwards, that’s why I didn’t reply your texts, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay” he said. “I thought you were mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know dude, who understands women?” he was upset because he thought she was mad with him…

 _Huh_.

“So what do you?” she squinted at him.“ When you’re recharging.”

“Nothing, that’s the whole point.”

“Nothing at all?”

“Nothing that requires standing, or too much effort. I usually sleep, watch something or read.”

“And you’re good now?”

“I am.”

“Good, because…” he started. “Charles wanted to invite us to some pottery class for couples” she was forced to cringe, “so I said we had plans and couldn’t make it.”

“Thank you for that,” she said relieved.

“You’re stuck with me for the day though” he said. “Is there anything I can help you with?”  
“Actually,” she said. “We were kinda needing a mic guy for today, ours called in sick,” she explained. “Would you mind?” 

“Not at all.”

She walked him to their location, and introduced him to everyone. 

“Guys,” she called out. “This is my boyfriend Jake, he’ll fill in for today.” She turned herself to Jake, “This is my crew, you know Kylie and Rosa,” the girls nodded at him and then she introduced him to all the guys individually.   
Amy was surprised how good Jake was as a mic guy. 

_To be fair, she was sure he was good at everything_. 

He listened to her, didn’t make any comments, just helped her with everything she needed. He even got along with her colleagues, how magnetic was that guy, really?

There was an ache in her chest, something sting her from the inside out. She had no idea what it was, but it was bad. 

Looking at him was painful, he was such a nice guy, such a gentleman, why was he wasting his time there with her? 

_Why was he wasting his time being her preschool boyfriend?_

It was better not to focus on that.

Just do your job, focus on that. 

It was actually easier when she just put all her focus on what they were doing. She even had the usual amount of fun they had whenever they gathered around. 

_It was good to be there._

She lost track of how long they were in there, but when it got dark, they all decided it was better to head home. 

“Well folks,” she yelled. “It was nice and fun but let’s hop home now.”

She said goodbye to her friends, and individually to everyone and watched as they slowly left the place. 

_Until there was only her and Jake._

“Let’s go?” he offered her his hand and she gladly took it. 

“What’s wrong with you?” he was staring at her, in a really weird way. 

“I’m just amazed by you.” He said, his eyes were sparking and for a moment Amy thought it could only be the city lights reflecting on his big brown eyes. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Watching you direct,” he said and opened his car door. “It’s beautiful, you’re really good at it.”

_Why was her cheeks burning so much??_

“Well, I didn’t know how to act,” she said with a smile. 

“You have a bright future.”

“That’s the goal,” he laughed and God, the sound of his laugh was magical. 

“And you also wrote the script, right?” she nodded. “So talented, my girlfriend is so fucking talented.”

Why did it hurt so much to hear that?

_Right,_

_'cause it was all fake._

“Thank you, thank you.”

She said and they fell into some comfortable silence. Amy looked at the road, the city lights, the soft music that was playing on the radio, which she was pretty sure it was Taylor Swift, the car was interested with his smell of for a moment Amy just wanted to close her eyes and sleep. She was so tired, and his presence was so calming and soothing, she just wanted to relax. 

“You don’t have to bring me home every single time, you know that, right?” she said after a while.

“I know,” he said looking at the road. “I want to, though.” What? “In fact, I was thinking of taking you home every night.”

“What? No. Jake, really there’s no need for that.” 

“But I want to!” he whined like a baby. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you walk alone late at night?”

“A fake one?” Jake looked at her with offense and took the fake knife out of his chest.

“There’s nothing you could say or do that would make me change my mind.”

 _Fuck_.

“I have to at least pay you the gas money,” she insisted. He looked offended again.   
“I’m not an Uber Amy!” he shouted. “I’m your boyfriend.”

She let out a huge sigh and crossed her arms. 

Why was he doing that?

“There must be a way to compensate you.”

“I’m glad you said that,” he smiled. “I want a poem.”

“What?”

“I want you to write a poem about me, that’s your way of saying thank you.” Amy stared at him confused. “You’re a writer, right?” she nodded. “Then do it. No one has ever written anything about me before, I like the idea of being someone’s muse. And I’d give a pretty good one y'know, cause I’m so devastatingly charming.”

_Well, he wasn’t wrong._

“Ok, I’ll do it.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Yay!” he shouted and threw his hands on the air. 

“The road, Jake!” she yelled and he immediately put his hands back on the wheel. 

“Right, sorry.”

“Do you wanna come in?” Amy asked as soon as he parked in front of her house. 

“Yes!” he said. “I come here so much, I feel I’m already friends with your front door,” she tried not to laugh but it was impossible. 

They walked in and Amy gave him a little tour of the house.

“And this is my bedroom,” she said standing in front of the door.

“So here is where the magic happens,” he said looking around. 

“And if by magic, you mean nothing, then yes.”

“Oh, come on I’m sure you’ve brought a lot of dates here,” he said while examining her books, her shelves.

“Not really, I don’t date that much.” 

“What’s this?” he asked grabbing her purple notebook.

“Uh, that’s my purple notebook. It’s where I write things that are too personal to make any sense,” she explained. “It’s kind of the closest thing I have of a diary.”

“Oh,” he said returning the book where he found it, and Amy grabbed it. 

“Do you wanna hear any of it?”

“If you don’t mind sharing…”

“It’s okay,” she said. “ _I trust you_.”

She opened the notebook and searched the pages. 

“Oh, this is a good one.” 

She said before reading it.

_“I really loved you,_  
_Even though you didn’t deserve it,_  
_Even though you didn’t love me back,_  
_I really loved you._

_And I think I deserve kudos,_  
_For never waking away._  
_You have to admit I was fucking brave,_  
_‘Cause I really loved you._

_And it was so easy,_  
_Like breathing with open lungs._  
_I wonder if you’ll ever know how that feels like,_  
_Because I really loved you._

_And although painful I don’t regret it,_  
_You were the most fun I had in years._  
_Because back then,_  
_I really loved you.”_

“Wow Amy, this was… beautiful.” She had never shown anyone the contents of that little notebook. And yet, there she was, pouring her heart out to a guy she barely knew. 

“Thanks,” she said with a kind smile. “Do you wanna hear another one?”

“Please.” 

“it’s called don’t let them do it:  
_Don’t let them swallow you._  
_Don’t let the world swallow you and end you as a whole._  
_Don’t let 'em break your bones and steal your blood._  
_You’re more than that._

_I know you feel like the air is escaping your lungs,_  
_And you’re left gasping, desperate, weak._  
_I know it’s hard you just can’t give up now._

_Just hold on a little longer._  
_Wait a second, catch your breath,_  
_I know it’s hard but it gets better, just trust me._

_And look, I know it hurts_  
_But you’re handling it ,_  
_Quite well, if I may._  
_I know you’re in pain,_  
_And I know it feels like your skin is on fire_

_But you’re doing great!_  
_Just keep transforming your pain in art._  
_It’s poetic, really._  
_Take deep breaths, grab your pencil,_  
_And let it all out._

_In the end, you’re coming out, stronger and better._  
_Like a Phoenix you rise from the Ashes of your own misery,_  
_You’re doing great sweetie, just wait a little longer._  
_It will all be fine.”_

“I have no words, really.” 

“I burned out last year,” she explained. “Bad. At my peak I wrote this.” Amy didn’t really like to remember that phase of her life, but she didn’t want to hide anything from him.   
“I’m sorry you had to go through this, but at least something beautiful came out if it” he said with his hand one her cheek. 

Jake hugged her tight until she felt there was no room between the two of them. For a few seconds she looked inside his big brown eyes and she felt jolts of electricity attacking her stomach. 

“You’re obviously really tired, I’m gonna let you rest.” He said pulling back. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll see ya,” she said. “Oh and Jake,” he turned around. “You must forgot everything you saw today.” He laughed and gave her a little kiss on the cheek leaving immediately afterwards.

_Her cheeks,_

_Why were they burning again?_


	6. I wish it was all different

_Chapter 6_

“I got your poem,” Amy said when she finally found him the next day. 

“What? Already?” he asked. He looked like a small little puppy, so happy. _So cute_.

They walked to a bench nearby, and sat down.

“You’re ready?” Amy asked. 

“Yes, no wait!” he said fixing his hair and taking a deep breath. “Okay, go on.”

“ _If I blink,_  
 _Will you still be here?_  
 _‘cause you’re look too good to be true_  
 _And I don’t want to miss my shooting star_

_So if I blink,_   
_Do you promise you’ll still be here?_   
_‘cause I don’t know that well_   
_And I don’t wanna miss you_

_And when I blink,_   
_Can I be sure that you will be by my side?_   
_‘cause I’m new to all of this stuff_   
_And I don’t want to miss anything_

  
_So when I opened my eyes_   
_I’ll trust that you still be here_   
_cause I saw how yours spark_   
_And I think that’s something to keep around.”_

“I never wanted to kiss someone so bad my entire life.” His eyes were locked inside hers and it felt like there was no distance between them whatsoever. 

“What?” 

_What?_

But before Amy could think anything about what he just said, someone yelled him. They both looked up and saw a very cranky Gina, — or a regular Gina, depends on who’s watching — call him very loudly. 

He excused himself for a moment and Amy was sure she had lost all facial movements. 

He wanted to kiss her?

What the hell.

Why?

Why would he even say something like that?Was he moved by the poetry? Maybe it wasn’t a kiss on the lips like two love birds, maybe it was a kiss in the cheek, like brother and sister, like best friends. Like fake boyfriend and fake girlfriend.

She was still digesting his words when someone sat in his seat. It was Boyle. 

“Hey Charles,” she greeted him. Amy knew all of Jake’s friends but she wasn’t necessarily close to any of them, even though he seemed to get along with Terry just fine. “Jake’s over there, you know right?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to have a little chat with you,” he said. 

What could he want with me?

“Oh yeah? What about?”

“It’s nothing big I just wanted to thank you,” he said and Amy was forced to squint.

Thanks for what?

“I don’t think I follow.”

“I never seen him happier,” Charles said. “I mean, he has always been a pretty happy dude, but you… there’s a spark, there’s pure joy, love. I just wanted to thank you for making my friend so happy, it really means the world to me because I love Jake more than I love myself, and now I also love you.”

Amy’s face was paralyzed. _Again_.

Wait a second right there, too many information to process.

_First, Jake wanted to kiss her???_

_Second, she made him happy?? Happier?_

How was that even possible? 

She didn’t know what to respond, and luckily she didn’t need to because he came back to his seat and Charles left with a simple goodbye. 

There was something in her stomach, a nauseating feeling she couldn’t quite shake. What was happening to her? What was she feeling? Why it was so hard to know? 

“What did Charles say?” he asked when he sat down again. 

“Uh… nothing.” Liar. “He just asked me what kind of shampoo I use, and if he could buy you some, so you could shampoo my hair.” It was okay to lie, right? It was a big deal. 

“Yeah, sounds like Boyle” he shrugged and let it go. 

Okay…

Amy waited to see if he would mention again what he said, if he would do something about it, not that she wanted him to kiss her. I mean… it wouldn’t be bad, but it wouldn’t be right, right? 

_Oh God!_

“Hey,” he called, taking her out of her spiral. “I need to read this for class, would you mind if lay on your lap?”

“Sure,” she said. Even though she felt her skin on fire, even though the pit on her stomach was so big it felt like someone could fall into. 

She caressed his hair, _so soft_ , it smelled so good, god what was she feeling? 

She liked to be around him, she liked his presence, he was a nice guy, but she didn’t had _feelings_ for him, right? 

Nah, that wouldn’t be possible. 

And even if it was, she couldn’t. She couldn’t bear it again. This wouldn’t end up well, not after him, not after what happened. She didn’t have feelings for him, and case closed. 

And even if it was, it wasn’t like he had feelings for her as well. Wanting to kiss someone, and having feelings for them, totally different things. Totally different things. 

She was a little attractive, she could attract him. 

_God, take this thoughts out of my head!_

_Something distract her, please!_

“Hey,” he called out after a while. “Thank you,” she squinted. “For helping me, I really loved meeting you.”

_Gosh! Don’t do that._

“I really loved meeting you too,” and she did. She did so much, just to be around someone so nice and gentle was already one of the best things she had ever experienced. 

“Let’s go?” Jake asked getting up and closing his book.

“Already?”

“Yeah, I hate reading. We can stop to get some ice cream, how about that?” 

“It would be great, yeah let’s go.” They left together with their palms enlaced, it was something so natural Amy didn’t even realize they were doing it. 

“Hey love birds,” someone shouted behind them. It was Rosa. “Could you guys pose for me real quick? For my photography project.”

“Sure,” Jake said. 

“Okay, so kiss.”

“What? Why?” Amy asked nervous.

“I need to spot love all around, and you guys love each other, right?” they nodded. “Just one kiss.”

“One kiss won’t hurt.” Jake said before…

_He kissed her._


	7. Actually, I just wish I could take him out of my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this is my favorite chapter so far, I really hope you guys enjoy it as well.

_Chapter 7_

It was really hard to concentrate with all that heat. It was so hot Amy was sure every single one of her pores were sweating, she could barely hear what Jake was saying.

They were sitting together having lunch, or better, she was having lunch when Jake was having a weird combination of sweets. But she wasn’t in the mood to question his food habits, it was too damn hot to even think straight. 

“Did you hear me?” he asked and she let out a huge sigh.

“No, I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just too hot in here.”

“I said,” he started taking one of his notebooks out of his backpack and using the cover as fan, shooting a stream of cool air in her direction. “That Gina's throwing a party, and she wants us there.”

“Tonight?” he nodded. 

“I checked and there’s plenty of room to sit,” he said. “And yes, we can leave a little early.” 

“Well, how can I say no then?” he gave her a huge smile and a little kiss on the cheek. Amy felt jolts of electricity running through her body. 

She was a little more sensitive after the kiss, especially to his touch. If he grabbed her hand, it would burn, if he touched her arm, it would burn, if he kissed her cheek…

_Well, it would burn._

She was trying to stay away from him a little but she was his fake girlfriend so it was not going great. 

She would just have to learn how to live with a skin that’s constantly on fire. That was just her reality now, no turning back. 

“I’ll pick you up tonight, okay?” he asked taking her out of her stream of thoughts.

“Okay.”

She had to figure something out to wear, what she would do with her hair, the makeup, she didn’t want Gina saying she looked like a garbage can. Amy had a feeling she wasn’t her biggest fan, so an effort would be necessary.

She let her hair straight, decided to go light on the eyes and heavy on the lips with a bright red, and a black jumper that kinda looked like the one on fleabag — it was the only reason why she bought it, — even though she was a lot shorter than Phoebe Waller-Brigde. 

When Jake arrived with his usual lateness, she looked at her head to toe and just… said nothing.

He was speechless, the whole drive.

Amy was kind of suspecting it was because of her looks, Rosa did say that her outfit was the kind that drove men insane, but she never pictured Jake as one of those men. She just assumed that she looked like a big pile of garbage to him. He was, at the end of the day, immensely hotter than her.

But she was up to test her theory. 

She did adjust her cleavage before getting into the car, making his face do a weird thing she couldn’t quite understand, and when she applied her lipstick again in the rearview mirror, making him swallow tightly, Amy did get to the conclusion that her outfit, was yes doing wonders. 

He was attracted to her. 

_Funny_.

The party was noisy and crowded but Amy swore she would try to have as much fun as possible for Jake. She didn’t want be a drag and take him out of his friend's party, getting drunk helped a lot. The more alcohol she had on her bloodstream the lighter and better she was. She felt some big strong hands on her hips, it was taking her somewhere, someone was taking her somewhere. 

“You’re drunk, come here” Jake said bringing her to a room. He sat her down on the bed and then joined her, but she just wanted to lie down, so he mimicked her. “It’s better to take you away from the booze.”

“You’re such a nice guy Jake,” she said in a raspy, dragged voice. 

“You’re drunk,” was all he said with a laugh. 

“I’m really not,” she defended herself. “Maybe tipsy, maybe giggly, but not drunk.”

“Okay.”

“But I’m serious, how come you’re single?” she played with his cheeks and chin like he was her own baby doll. 

“What are you talking about? I have you,” he said.

“No,” she pushed his chin, forcing him to look on her eyes. “You know what I mean. Why?”

“I’m not built for that,” he simply said.

“I doubt it all."

“I tried it once, and it ended in flames. I’m not made for it.”

“Oh, did someone broke you heart?” she mocked. 

“Nope, I broke hers.” Jake was looking straight into Amy’s eyes and it felt like all the alcohol has just evaporated from her body. 

_He was being serious._

_For the first time in his life._

“Oh…” was all Amy could think of saying. What was she supposed to say in that situation? 

“She said something about commitment issues, not letting her in, and a bunch of stuff I don’t even remember. All I know was that I was trying my best to the best boyfriend I could, and I still broke her heart, so I know I’m not meant for this shit.” He was not looking at Amy, he was staring at the floor, with an intensity that could make a whole in it. 

“I’m sorry about that,” she said patting his arm, knowing that was not helpful at all. But what could she do in that moment?

“What about you?” Amy rolled her eyes. “Why is a pretty girl like you needing a fake boyfriend?”

She let out a huge sigh. 

“It’s an interesting mix of things, actually. It’s a bit of self sabotage, introversion, and a horrible taste in men,” he laughed. “I don’t know really why, but I’m terrified.”

“Terrified of what?”

“Love, being loved. I don’t know why, but I’m terrified and I keep sabotaging myself. I keep complaining that I’m lonely and that I’m exhausted, but when someone tries to get a little closer, I push them away, _hard_.” She had never been this honest with anyone in her whole life. _Was it the alcohol_? “I remember this one time, I was on campus and this boy approached me. He said his friend was really into me and wanted my number, so I said no. Didn’t even think, didn’t even look back, didn't do anything just said no. And I don’t even know why I did it, my brain just went automatically nope. And you know what the funniest was?”

“What?”

“The friend, was actually a guy that I had a crush on for awhile.” Amy took a deep breath. “I don’t know why I do this, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have a really hard time opening up to people, anyone in general. Even my friends complain about this, it’s really hard for me to let someone inside my life, and when I do… My terrible taste in men kicks in, and I choose the most terrible person to the spot, and get my heart broken.”

“The guy from the purple notebook...”

“Yeah.”

“What did he do?”

“He used me. Every time he needed someone to fill the blank, it was me.” A jolt of shame invaded Amy, no one, not even her closest friends knew that about her. And yet, she was pouring her heart out to that stranger, to that guy, who had become her friend. “And the worst part, was that I knew it. I knew he was using me and I just let him.”

“Why?”

“’ _cause it was the closest I ever got to someone actually loving me_. I know a lot of people think there is probably lots of people interested in me, but there is really not.” He laughed. “I’m serious, and I know he was just using me, but the truth is, it’s so exhausting to be lonely _all the fucking time._ ” Amy let out a huge sigh and fought the urge of shedding tears. “And I know that he was using me, and I know that it was just sex, I see that now. But in his own way, he liked me. He could have chosen anyone and yet he chose me. I didn’t want to be alone, and it was just so much easier to be with him, no matter how much my heart would be broken every time he walked away, or how guilty I would feel afterwards, I was not lonely and I thought that was the best.”

“Wow, Amy.” Jake said grabbing her hand tight. “I don’t even know where to start, this guy... this guy was an asshole, the way he treated you was not right, and you should not settle for anything but perfect. Because you’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met, the prettiest, the most talented, the sweetest, you’re one of the most fascinating people I’ve ever met in my whole life. Fuck, you look so pretty tonight I lost all my words on the way here,” he said and Amy laughed. “I mean it. And I think that the reason that you feel so alone is because no one can even get to your level. You’re probably the best person I’ve ever met, and you should not, not even for a second, doubt that.”

Amy didn’t know what to say, she didn't even thought there was something to be said after that. He was probably just doing that to be nice, he was probably trying to cheer her up because he felt sorry for her sad little story. Her mind was racing, her heart was beating faster than ever, she just had this urge, this huge urge to kiss him.

But she couldn’t. Not after that kiss, not after that kiss that she couldn’t stop thinking about it ever since. Not when she was having dreams about his lips, dreams where he would do more than kissing, dreams where she could feel his hands on her body, she couldn't bear to fall in love with someone that was not in love with her again. She knew her heart, she knew that wasn't going to end up well, and she just couldn't risk it, for her own sake.

“Do you still love him?” he asked. 

“Who?” 

“That asshole,” just the way he pronounced it, felt so filled with pure hatred. 

“No, as much as I love to write about it, I’m actually over.” Was that relief on his face? 

“Good, you deserve so much more than that,” he said. “ _So much more…”_

Their faces were so close to each other their noses were touching. She could smell his divine scent, feel his warmth invading her, she just wanted to kiss him so bad it was almost physically killing her. 

“I can’t stop thinking about that kiss…” he said. 

_And then he kissed her._

_Again._


	8. But I can't seem to find a way to

_Chapter 8_

“We’re not going to have sex here,” Jake said. They were laying on Gina’s bed, hair messy, shirts untucked. Amy didn’t know what to say, she didn’t know to what to think, so she just stared at him, while she tried to recover her senses. “I mean… not that we’re gonna have sex, at all. I’m just saying that if we _would_ , it wouldn’t be here.” 

_It wouldn’t?_

_No, of course not._

“Let’s just get out of here.” Amy said trying to put her hair in order.

“Yeah, sure.”

He seemed a little disappointed, and Amy would have plenty of time to overthink all his facial expressions when she got home. At that moment all she was trying to think was a way to get out of that bedroom with her virtue intact.

“Were you having sex in my bedroom?” Gina grunted as soon as they left the room. _Of course she would be there._

“What? No, we were not having sex in your bedroom.”

“Jacob, I swear to God if you had sex in my bedroom…”

“We weren’t, Gina!” Jake interrupted her rapidly. “Amy was drunk and she needed a place to sit that’s just it.”

“And why is your hair all messy?”

“What are you talking about? My hair is always messy,” all that conversation was making Amy think about carving a whole on the ground and just live there. “You know what,” he turned to her. “Let’s just go.”

He grabbed her hand and walked with her out of the house. They got inside his red car without a single word. He didn’t mention the kiss, he didn’t mention the other kiss, and he definitely did not mention all the stuff she had told him.

He drove in one of the most uncomfortable silences she had ever been in her life. She didn’t want to talk about the kiss, she wanted to kiss him again, and again, and again, and again. That was not going to end up well, but she didn’t care. All that mattered in that very moment was that she needed his lips on hers, immediately.

She analyzed his features while trying to decipher what was going on in his head. Maybe he regretted kissing her, both times? Maybe this was all a very stupid idea and they should end it immediately before anyone got hurt, maybe this was all an elaborate plan to get in her pants. No, scratch that, she was not worthy it.

At all.

Maybe she was a bad kisser, now he didn't want to kiss her ever again. It would be way better for the both of them, if they never kissed each other again.

Even if it was fun trying to decipher what was going on in his head, deep down she just really wanted to talk with him. He was the best chatting partner she ever had, he was the best person she had ever met.  
Damn, she was in love wasn’t she? That was definitely… Not going to end up well.

But as much as she wanted to talk with him, he didn’t budge. Jake remained quiet the entire ride, and only opened his mouth when he got to her house. 

“Text me when you’re done recharging, okay?” he asked and her heart melted, for no specific reason. 

“Okay,” she left the car, heartbroken. All the bones inside her body aching for her to stop and just go to him and kiss him like the world was ending.

She was really naïve thinking she'd be able to sleep that night. 

Well, she would. If she liked having weird, confusing dreams about her friend and preschool boyfriend Jake Peralta, then it would be a deep dive in Dreamland.   
Their kisses replaying in her head vividly, his hands on her body…

_Fuck_!

Who needs to sleep anyway. 

Reading, writing, watching, all the coping mechanisms Amy knew were not working. She couldn’t stop think about Jake and his stupid kisses, and his stupid mouth, everything she did reminded her of him.

The night came in and the thoughts of him were still so vivid in her head it was almost like it was still happening. She didn’t know what to do to stop that, to shake away that feeling, to focus on something else. What could she do to make it stop?

Well…

No.

Well…

She let out a huge sigh, and succumbed to her urges. 

“Hello?” he answered his phone unsure. 

“Hi,” she started, uncertain of what she could say, she didn’t even know why she was calling in the first place. “So my roommate's out, and all my friends are doing something, and I thought maybe if you wanted to hang out.”

“But I thought you were decompressing today,” he said. 

“I’m fine, I’m not planning on doing anything adventurous, just watching a movie here.” Was that a bad idea? Inviting him over to 'watch a movie'? even though she was planning on just watching a movie. 

_Oh God, that was a bad idea._

“But it’s just an idea, you know, if you have nothing to do.” She was stumbling with the words and praying he didn’t notice any of it.  
“No, it’s okay. I was bored anyways, see ya in a few.”

Good, now was just wait.

_Waiting_ , the worst word in the English dictionary. Waiting, why was he taking so long? Oh, it had been just two minutes since they talked. _Huh._

_Waiting._

_Ugh, waiting!_

As she waited for his arrival, Amy tried to understand what was going on with her.   
Heart pounding, palms sweating, dry mouth, weird feeling in the stomach, if she didn’t know herself any better she would think she was sick.

_Sickly in love._

When he got there, Amy gladly took him to her bedroom and they lied down, very close to each other on her singles bed, she grabbed her laptop and put on a movie. 

But not even that was being able to take her mind of her intrusive thoughts. She thought maybe with him by her side things would be better, but it actually made it all worse. Because he was there, right by her side, so close to her, his warmth invading her, his scent on her nostrils…

_Oh, fuck she was doomed._

“Amy, why did you really call me here?” Jake asked closing her laptop and putting it away. “Because you’re barely paying attention to the movie.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I like talking to you, and I like your company, but I don’t know what’s going on, or why I called you here,” she sighed loudly. “I don’t understand myself anymore. I just wanna be close to you,” their eyes were glue to one another, pupils extremely dilated. “I like your smell, and I like your touch, and to touch you, I just…” Amy couldn’t resist her urges anymore, and hugged him tight. “Can I?”

“Yes, of course.” Jake said caressing her hair. It was so good to be close to him, to feel him.

“I don’t know what this is… I’m just so tired of resisting, tired of trying to comprehend what’s happening, when I just wanna be close to you all the time. Maybe there’s a reasonable explanation for this, maybe there isn’t, but for today, I’m tired. Let me have this one, just tonight,” she plead. Vulnerability infested her cheeks and made her body ache in a way she has never experienced before. “I've never met anyone like you, I never liked expressing my feelings, I just keep them to myself. But then comes you, and I just feel this urge… to tell you everything. All my life, all my feelings, and I struggle because I’ve never done that before, and I just…”

“It’s okay baby, don’t worry.” He said kissing the top of her head and caressing her arm gently. “I love your company too, you can tell me what ever you want.”

“You don’t think I’m a complete psycho right now, right?” she asked feeling shame fill her up like a hot balloon. 

“I would never think that of you Ames,” _Ames_. “I think you’re perfect, and special and you can do whatever the fuck you want with me,” she laughed. “Not just tonight but all nights.”

_Ah, he was funny._

“I also can’t stop thinking about our kisses.” Amy said after a while, head buried deep into Jake’s chest, she felt her body tremble when he laughed.

“Good, I put a lot of effort into them,” he said. 

“You were great, really great kisser, and your hands… _god don’t let me start with the hands.”_

“Please do,” he said amused not being able to contain his laughter. 

“No, Jake! Please don’t embarrass me more than I am already,” she pleaded sinking her head deeper into his chest, taking the opportunity to give it a little kiss. 

“No, no, you started it” he was so happy with that, it was unfair. “At least have the decency to finish it.”

“I’ll just say… that it makes me shiver, just to think about it, and I had some dreams as well, and it’s all I am revealing.”

“ _Oh Amy, don’t do this to me.”_

His voice was raspy and low and it was sending direct shocks to her belly. 

Jake wrapped his arms around her body, holding her really tight, and Amy was sure she could die happy in there, inside his embrace, that was it, she was done.   
He distributed kissed along her arms and neck, and also played a little with her hair. 

She closed her eyes and focused solely on what was happening at that moment. His lips on her skin, the shockwaves it was sending to her whole body, how everything felt so right, so immaculate, so holy, it almost felt like they were meant for each other. And she would like to believe that for a little longer, even if it wasn’t true. 

“Oh Amy, Amy, what are we?” he asked playfully.

“I have no idea.”


	9. But maybe it's a good thing I couldn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a small one, but I had to prepare you guys for the end, so just... bear this one with me.

_Chapter 9_

“Oh my God, you guys are so cute!” a voice took Amy out of her dreams. It was her roommate. She needed some seconds to understand the world around her.

She fell asleep, right beside Jake. 

_Right beside Jake!!_

They had slept together, in the same bed, _spooning!_

_Oh, Jesus Christ_!

She looked at Jake who seemed to be going through the same process as her. He looked so adorable in the morning. 

“Jake, this is my roommate Lisa,” he waved at her, it was obvious he wasn’t fully awake yet. “Lisa, this is my boyfriend Jake.” She gave a quick hello and said she would _“leave the two alone”_ in the dirtiest way she had ever heard. 

“Good morning,” he said as soon as Amy got off her bed, looking through her closet for an outfit. 

“Morning,” she mumbled on her way to the bathroom. She was so embarrassed. She made a completely fool of herself the other night and Amy was sure she would never be able to look at him the same way. 

She did her morning routine, brushed her teeth, washed her face, changed her clothes, and got back to her bedroom a little more confident to face him.

“So are you feeling a little better?” Jake asked. He was sitting on her bed, hands on his hair. There was something in his gaze she couldn’t quite identify, and she also didn’t want to look long enough to. “You seemed a little off yesterday.”

“Oh, don’t mention that,” she said turning her back to him pretending to be looking for something. “I am so embarrassed, can we just forget that?”

“No,” he said and she was forced to turn, his eyes remained kind, even though she wasn’t sure what he meant. “Amy, come here for a second.”

“You know what, I’m starving let’s get some breakfast.” Amy headed towards her door to fully walk away from that conversation, but Jake grabbed her hand. 

“I will love to, after we talk.” He sighed loudly and sat by his side. 

It was his turn to sigh.

“Look, I’m not really good at this, but…” he was struggling to find the words and the anticipation was killing her. He was going to end things, for sure, she embarrassed herself in front of him and now he wanted to end things. “I think I’m in love with you.”

“What?"

_What?_

“No, you’re not,” she said. 

“I’m pretty sure I am,” he said with a smile. 

“You’re not in love with me, I’m in love with you.”

“I think it’s ideal that both parties feel the same way.” His smile was too big and he just looked so happy, annoyingly happy. 

“But… why?”

She didn’t get it, why would he be in love with her? 

“Why are you in love with me?” he asked her. _Well, that was easy._

“You’re nice, and kind, and gentle, you pay attention to things I say, you don’t think I’m weird or a freak for needing my own space, you leave parties early because of me when I know you don’t want to, plus you’re like… Super hot, so that helps.” 

“Well, right back at ya. Amy you are the most talented, beautiful, kind, gentle person I have ever met. Your heart is so big, and you’re so special and you barely realize that. Plus, you’re incredibly, insanely hot, so that helps,” she was forced to laugh. “I know your heart was broken before, and I also know you have a hard time trusting people, but if you give me a chance I swear, I’ll make you the happiest person ever.”

“What about your commitment issues?”

“Gone.” He said like it was nothing, taking a smile out of her mouth. “All I wanna do is commit, commit to you.”

“I don’t know Jake…”

“Amy, I’m in love with you and you're with me.” He put his hands on her shoulders and looked her into the eyes. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes…”

“Then we’re good.”

Her eyes were watery and she just wanted to cry so bad. It all just felt like a fever dream, she wondered if maybe she was on a coma and if that was only a very elaborated dream. 

All her worries and fears disappeared when his lips crashed hers she was sure it wasn’t a dream at all. 

Oh no.

That was real.

They were real. 

_They were real!!_

“Oh God, you have no idea how much I wanted to do this,” he said after they broke the kiss. “You’re so pretty, and so incredible, and smell so good… God, if I’m dead and this is heaven, I’m okay with it.” 

She had no words…

No words to describe what she was feeling;

No words to describe what was happening;

She had no…


	10. 'Cause I'm in love with him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So folks, this is it! We've reached the end of this fic. I had such a nice time writing this, and I hope you guys had a nice time reading it was well. I hope I don't disappoint with this ending, hope you guys love it.  
> I can't promise I'll write anything any time soon, but I'm sure we'll see each other again, at some point.   
> Thank you so much for all the feedback, I read every single one of them, it means the world to me.   
> Now, please enjoy the chapter!
> 
> bye-bye :)

_Chapter 10_

The world was upside down. 

She was never late for anything in her life. 

Expect that very special day.

The day that even her boyfriend (who was always late), was on time. 

The only reasonable explanation was that the world was upside down.

But it was all fine. 

It was only one of the most important days of her life.

“Babe, are we ready?” Jake asked leaned on the bathroom door, he looked so handsome on his smoking. He was patiently waiting for her to get ready, for hours at that point. Not that he would complain, it was her day, she deserved the spent the amount of time she wanted on her looks. 

“Yes, let’s go” she said grabbing her purse and handing it to him.

They got inside the car and Amy couldn’t stop her legs even if she wanted to. Her feet seemed to have its own life, and couldn’t stop moving. She tried shifting her focus to something else, the streets, the songs playing on the radio, but nothing could stop her legs from moving, and her heart from pounding. 

“Nervous?” he asked placing a hand on her thigh, sending electrical waves to her entire body. That was the effect he had on her, Jake would simply touch her and she would shiver from head to toe. That already happened when they were faking the whole thing, but it sure got way worse after they had sex. After she knew everything he was capable of, her brain was now blasting her all the not appropriate scenes in her head. 

_Damn it._

“A bit,” she said. They were finally screening her project. The project she had been devoting most of her hours in the past few months, the project that was almost all of her grades, the project her and her friends bust their asses to get it done. It was the day.

“Don’t worry, you guys crushed it on that one, and now people will be able to see that. Finally everybody will know that my girlfriend is the most talented storyteller in this world.”

_Oh, it was so good_. 

To be by his side,

To be supported,

To be loved. 

It was really good. 

They arrived at the theater and she immediately recognized some faces, said hi to her friends, colleagues, even Jake’s friends were there to support her, (even Gina!!!) that was so nice of them, it was good to feel loved and supported by everyone around her. 

Everybody was nervous, she wasn’t alone on that.

But she was the only one who had Jake by her side, all the time. His hands were on her back and he spent the whole night hugging her lightly, remembering her that he was there for her, there was no need to nervous or worry, he was there for her and with her. 

_God, she liked him._

Amy never thought anything like that could ever happen with her. Falling in love and being reciprocal. She was the queen of unrequited love, the queen of friendzone, she thought she would spent the rest of her life in there. Especially after _him_ , she thought she was doomed to a lonely life, that she wasn’t love worthy, that no one would ever have real feelings for her, that she was totally disposable and replaceable, and she would just have to live with that. 

Amy knew part of blame was hers to give. She had a horrible taste in men for all we knew, when in a million years would she guess that she would find someone nice?  
Someone that cared about her, someone that loved her as much as she loved him. 

There was no way. 

And there was also no reason to be nervous whatsoever. People loved it, the judges loved it, everybody loved it. It was like a hundred pounds of cement were taken off her back. It was so good to be recognized by something you gave your life to accomplish, to hear people saying they appreciated you effort. Made everything worth it.

She could finally breathe now.

“I told you they would love it,” Jake said as he spun her around the room. “I told you the world would finally see your talent,” he gave a kiss on the cheek. “Because you’re amazing,” a kiss on the cheek. “Most incredible,” a kiss on the chin. “Writer/director this world has even seen,” and finally, a kiss on the lips.

“Thank you babe,” she hugged him tight, and buried her face oh his shoulder. Drowning herself in his scent, on him.

_She liked him so much!_

“Let’s go, I have a surprise for you.”

He grabbed her hand and took her to the car. He drove for about twenty minutes then stopped in front of a playground. The place where they went after that one party, and talked the whole night. The place where he hold her hand for the first time, just for the sake of holding it. Not to pretend anything, just because he wanted to feel her touch against his.

They sat on the swings and played a little. Her hair and dress competing to see who would dance more with the wind, her shoes almost fleeing her feet from their speed. But who cared? Who cared about anything but that very special moment?

“Okay, but I actually have a present for you,” he said. “Two, actually.” He took a little box from the pocket of his jacket and a piece of paper. “Since I knew you were going to do great tonight, I decided to write you a poem.” Oh God, that couldn’t go well. “So here it goes:

_Roses are red,_   
_Violets are blue,_   
_Amy you’re so amazing_   
_I’m so glad I have you.”_

“Wow, baby that was beautiful,” she said with a smile. He was such a goofball, ugh.

“I know right, I think I might be best writer of this couple, oh my god.” 

“Writer I don’t know, but comedian, yes.”

“And now the actual present…” he opened the black velvet box. It had a necklace in it. With a pendent on the shape of a book, and in the cover it was engraved: _written by Amy S._

“Santiago was too big to engrave it,” he explained. 

_Fuck!_

He knew it. He knew it she wanted to write a book, he knew it writing was the one thing she truly loved in this world and couldn’t bear to not do it. He knew it and he gave her that, engraved her name, he made that present specially for her, because he knew how important that was for her. 

_Oh good God!_

Tears were falling from her eyes, that was the most beautiful thing she has ever gotten her whole life. 

“Jake, this is so…” the tears wouldn’t let her speak. “This is so beautiful, oh my god, I loved it so much,” the tears didn’t end, they just kept coming. There weren’t enough words in the English vocabulary to explain how she was feeling at that moment, how much she loved the present, to express everything that was racing through her heart and mind, she was speechless. “God, I love you!”

Oh.

Wait. 

That was the first time she has said it.

Maybe it was too early.

_Oh God!_

Amy closed her eyes, she couldn’t bare to look at his face and see that he didn’t love her. That would kill her, that would literally kill her. She loved him too much, too much to be rejected, too much to be able to handle the pain, it was too much for her, and if he didn’t love her back her heart would shatter in a way she didn’t know it was possible to fix it. They spent a few seconds in silence, and when Amy opened her eyes again, he was smiling. 

_He was fucking smiling._

“I don’t know what to respond to that,” he said. 

“What about I love you too?”

“ _Sounds too simplistic.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and feedback are highly appreciated! :)


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